The Metro (subway) is one of my favorite things about Madrid. It's a really easy way to travel around the city independently (especially since we're not allowed to drive), and it's also cheap, fast, and reliable.

My other favorite thing about the Metro, is it seems to be the place where I meet the weirdest people, or where the weirdest things happen to me. I sometimes also meet some cool people, for example I've met quite a few American's on the Metro because you hear people speaking English, or others hear us speaking English, etc.

The American's...yeah, alright. It's nice to speak with them every once and a while. But it's not like talking to an American is something really interesting since I'm an American. I know plenty of Americans that I can talk to. What I really enjoy are the weird people.

So here are three of some of my favorite Metro incidents that have happened in the last couple of months.

1. Borracha y Fea
One Friday night I got on the Metro to go home with Marta after we saw a movie. We were in the very back of the train, and there was a group of four or five girls my age sitting down on the floor of the train against the back wall. They were drinking alcohol (this is not at all rare) and they were completely wasted. None of them were very pretty either. There was one empty seat so I let Marta sit down, and I stood next to her, holding on the pole, with my back to the girls.

A couple stops later (but in between stations) they all stood up to get ready to leave upon arriving at the next station. And the next thing I know, I feel something hit my butt.

The first thing I thought was "oh, they're drunk, one of them must've brushed against it on accident. It happens all the time here because it can be hard to balance on the trains."

But then it happened again. The second was undeniably a deliberate ass-slap. And so I thought "okay, this is awkward. An ugly drunk chick is slapping my ass in public, right next to my host mom. But I'm just going to ignore it because she's getting off in 30 seconds anyways."

And then it happens for the third time. And this time, it actually hurt a little, she hit me hard. This was when I was really starting to get annoyed. I turn around to stare at her, and she just looks at me, laughs, and walks off the train...

2. Hola Chocolate
My liaison lives one Metro station away from me. And so one day, after meeting up with her downtown, we both got on the same train to go home together. Her station is first, and in that station, the exit is at the very front of the train when you get off, so we were standing in the very front of the train. In my station, the exit is at the very end of the train, so after she got off, I started walking towards the back of the train so I'd be closer to the exit when I got off.

I was about halfway down the train, when I was blocked by a couple who were talking up the entire aisle. So I simply said "excuse me." They both looked at me and stared. Without saying a word.

So I asked "will you let me pass?" And still. Blank stares.

So I asked again "will you let me pass please?" At this point, the woman noticed that I had a cup of hot chocolate in my hands, but it only had a sip or so left. She looked at it and said "hola chocolate!" So what did I say? "Yeah, the chocolate says hi to you to, now will you please move so I can pass you?"

More blank stares.

At this point I was so annoyed that I physically pushed through them to get by, and I continued walking down the train.

Stop the Train!
This last story just happened two days ago, and it scared the hell out of me.

Again, I was on my way home (why do they always happen on the way home?), and there weren't any seats left, so I was standing in the middle of the aisle, in between seats, holding on to a pole.

In the four seats that were on my sides sat four friends, all guys, a little bit older than me.

Somewhere along the way, we stopped at the station, people got off, others got on, and all of a sudden I hear yells of "stop the train! Stop the train!"

The next thing I know is that two burly security guards run into the train right next to me and they're both coming towards me. I was trying to figure out what I did, but I had no idea. The whole time they were yelling, and I was just like "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit..."

They then grabbed the four guys sitting down by their arms, pulled them up out of their seats and off the train, leaving me standing there, most likely, white with shock.

Once they were off the train I notice the security guards had found on them a big bag full of empty cans of spray paint. Busted!